As for my day as an Emersonian friend, I decided to spend one whole day with one person. I do not mean the whole day because that is impossible; I mean the breaks, lunch, etc. spent in deep conversation. Who better to do this with then my best friend? Emerson states, “Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of the most sincere and searching sort. In good company there is never such discourse between two, across the table, as takes place when you leave them alone.” There is never good conversation between three people, because one always gets left out. Have you ever heard about three best friends who always get in fights? Odd numbers rarely work out; one always gets left out, even if it’s subtle. I know this from experience when I was young. I had two best friends; they weirdly had the same name: Mary. We were really tight but I remember one night I found out that they had lied about having a sleepover together that night. Why couldn’t they have invited me? That is kind of rude right?
Well in the more grown up sense of this quote, I decided to spend deep thoughtful conversation with one person all day. I feel like it works way better when you are spilling your soul to one person than two. It is impossible to look two people in the eye when you are telling them and make both of them feel like you are giving your entire attention to them; it just does not work to do this. I would much rather talk to one person than to three, sometimes it is even intimidating or embarrassing. You do not know how each is feeling at the time because you do not have enough time to spend an entire conversation talking to them about their response to the situation. This is why I spent my day with my best friend. We talked about everything: family, friends, school, sports, and most of all how we were doing individually. What I always try to do is ask how someone is doing sincerely, instead of using it to take the place of a “hey what’s up” without meaning anything and sometimes not even getting a response back. The answer is usually “fine, you?” anyways which is soooooo shallow. But when you are alone and have endless amounts of time with a person, you can actually discuss how your friend is doing.
One other quote I love from this section is, “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frostwork, but the solidest thing we know.” Friendships need to be broken numerous times for them to grow. I think this is true for many things. I wrote on the idea that you need to fail to achieve success. This goes right there with friendships. You need to fail and fall hard before you can be the best. Friendships need to break so they can be built up. It just makes those friendships much stronger. This is very true with my best friend and I. We have gone through a lot and after four years of falling and climbing back up we are stronger than ever; we take the time to be there for each other whether it is standing back and letting one another grow or being right there next to them to guide them through. Trust, love, hardship, and happiness all constitute friendship and all make friendship one of the top most important parts of life : )
2 comments:
Kirsten this was a great and very insightful blog, emerson would be proud. I agree with you. Odd numbers are great for centerpieces and flower arrangements, but when it comes to friends, one rarely hears of a dynamic trio. It just doesn't work out as well. Its necessary to give someone your full and complete attention in order to make a deep connection with them. If you are trying to divide yourself into equal parts it takes away from everyone, not to mention the group will have less in common, simply because there is no way for all 3 to have all similar characteristics. So say 2 of the 3 play the same sport, they will have an envy worthy connection through that, and the 3rd will feel left out as they sit on the sidelines, but then maybe a different two have something else that they share etc. there is generally one left out- then two are bound to be closer to eachother and the third just gets the short stick. I've been there, its not a great feeling. All in all, emerson makes a good point with his 'one on one' extravaganza. Being alone with someone can definitely be a tag awk to begin with, but once that is overcome, the conversation has a greater potential than it could with 3 or more.
Now, on the other side of the spectrum, I dont think that means that someone can have only one best friend, in fact I dont think that is a great idea. For me personally, I find that outside of family, I can never spend all my time with one person. I start to feel suffocated and claustrophobic, not only is it uncomfortable to me, but i am surely not the greatest friend when I am feeling this way. I enjoy having different people that i feel very close to, so that I can spend time with them alone, and make those deep connections, then do the same with another friend the next day. Getting different opinions is an important aspect of forming your own. I don't know if emerson would agree with me but I can certainly say that it holds true for me.
"two's company, three's a crowd."
Kirsten love I thought your piece was pretty gnarly. Although I did have some dissagreements kid. First, I agree with you in that with a one on one conversation with a friend, you usually listen a lot more and are more insightful and helpful to that person then say with another person there. But, I speak from past experience that with three friends, you don't just have your one friends opinion but your other one's as well. If three people know each other so well and know what the others like and dislike, it is much more exciting and fullfilling being with two other people instead of one. Yes you have the close personal connection in a one on one conversation but with three, its more of a complete package. Haven't you ever heard of The Three Caballeros or The Three Musketeers. Both those groups were gnarly and got the job done and to be honest had an incredible time with one another. So you see, being with three people is often more effective than say being with two. Ok that was the only thing I really dissagreed on. I completely agreed with your ideas about actually asking a person how they feel and wanting a real answer back. I am guilty of saying how are you all the time and just expecting a "fine" or "aight". Your idea about needing to fail before you can achive is absolutely brilliant. You come to work girl. That is so true. You can't just start at the top or go straight to greatness right away. That makes no sense and isn't fun. Its more fun to fail and fail, and when all hope seems lost try one more time and succeed and that feeling you get is one of the best you can have. At a you kid. Way to work!
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