My Day as an Emersonian Friend

My slogan for my blog is taken from this section of Emerson. It is one of my favorite sections of Emerson because it relates to teenagers the most. Teenagers go through a tough time with trust in friends and finding the right ones in high school. If you check out my quote at the page it is from this one: It is like the golden rule for friendship: “The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.” Whenever I get discouraged by friends I just think about this quote, as long as you can do the best you can to be a friend, true friends will see that and be there for you.

As for my day as an Emersonian friend, I decided to spend one whole day with one person. I do not mean the whole day because that is impossible; I mean the breaks, lunch, etc. spent in deep conversation. Who better to do this with then my best friend? Emerson states, “Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of the most sincere and searching sort. In good company there is never such discourse between two, across the table, as takes place when you leave them alone.” There is never good conversation between three people, because one always gets left out. Have you ever heard about three best friends who always get in fights? Odd numbers rarely work out; one always gets left out, even if it’s subtle. I know this from experience when I was young. I had two best friends; they weirdly had the same name: Mary. We were really tight but I remember one night I found out that they had lied about having a sleepover together that night. Why couldn’t they have invited me? That is kind of rude right?

Well in the more grown up sense of this quote, I decided to spend deep thoughtful conversation with one person all day. I feel like it works way better when you are spilling your soul to one person than two. It is impossible to look two people in the eye when you are telling them and make both of them feel like you are giving your entire attention to them; it just does not work to do this. I would much rather talk to one person than to three, sometimes it is even intimidating or embarrassing. You do not know how each is feeling at the time because you do not have enough time to spend an entire conversation talking to them about their response to the situation. This is why I spent my day with my best friend. We talked about everything: family, friends, school, sports, and most of all how we were doing individually. What I always try to do is ask how someone is doing sincerely, instead of using it to take the place of a “hey what’s up” without meaning anything and sometimes not even getting a response back. The answer is usually “fine, you?” anyways which is soooooo shallow. But when you are alone and have endless amounts of time with a person, you can actually discuss how your friend is doing.

One other quote I love from this section is, “I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frostwork, but the solidest thing we know.” Friendships need to be broken numerous times for them to grow. I think this is true for many things. I wrote on the idea that you need to fail to achieve success. This goes right there with friendships. You need to fail and fall hard before you can be the best. Friendships need to break so they can be built up. It just makes those friendships much stronger. This is very true with my best friend and I. We have gone through a lot and after four years of falling and climbing back up we are stronger than ever; we take the time to be there for each other whether it is standing back and letting one another grow or being right there next to them to guide them through. Trust, love, hardship, and happiness all constitute friendship and all make friendship one of the top most important parts of life : )

Nature

I love nature and I feel like because of our fast-paced lives it is not appreciated enough. I love that we were assigned this project therefore. When I was a kid, I lived in North Carolina. This was when school didn’t matter and you could just play all day. Well in my neighborhood we all went into our backyards and it was a whole new enchanted world outside of our own. I absolutely loved it. We could catch little crabs in the creek and we made a tree house. Nature is mystical and beautiful and that is what I remember my backyard as, nothing but that. I was like a little boy, who cared about barbies when you could go play with the real stuff! What man had not manufactured but instead what God had.

When I moved to Scripps Ranch, San Diego, it was a huge turnaround. Everything was man-made and it was harder to find a place to go play. Friends were important to me so I settled with playing with dolls with neighbors. I struggled to find a place to just be. As I grew older I would take walks with my dog. I found this one path down to the bottom of the hill of my neighborhood. I take a path off the road to this one spot with an overlook of the whole city. It holds a bench and on the ground are broken beer bottles and cigarette butts. So I sit there with my yellow Labrador retriever, Chelsea. This is where I come to think, naturally this is the one and only place I could think of writing about for this nature blog. The view consists of the Edwards Mira Mesa Movie theatres, the I-15, and an endless amount of city that stretches all the way to downtown and out to Mexico. It may not be entirely “nature” because it’s man-made but it is quiet, and the hills that roll down to the freeway are entirely natural. Along with this, the hills in the way background are not man-made either. It is a bitter-sweet moment. The multi-color lights at night and the fireworks on Fourth of July are beautiful and great but they hardly compare to the mystical backyard of my childhood.

What I do love about my spot, is the feeling of being at peace with myself. Not only does walking and being among nature relax me, but having my dog sitting next to me feeling the same, just takes my breath away. Having a connection between an animal and you is so magical in itself it automatically makes one smile. A dog is a man’s best friend. This is totally accurate, they are always there for you; loyal no matter what; unlike human beings. Obviously humans have a much higher connection than dogs but the fact that a dog and human can have a strong relationship without the use of communication is stunning. I also have a horse, a bird, two cats, and some fish. The connection is definitely not there like it is between my dog and I. This is why I do my heavy thinking with my dog at my special spot.

Nature is a strong uplifting connection. Whenever there is a need to think, just take a walk into complete isolation down to a river, a beach, a forest, a park maybe (but it’s kinda pushing it). You usually do thinking in isolation but I do it with my dog. I think that is totally fine because she does not distract with talking and is just company sitting beside me. Nature is a guiding force, it helps you because without any other influences of peer pressure, your parents, etc., you can make your own decision best for yourself and not for anyone else.

Gifts

Emerson tells us that gifts should be given from the heart, that is, a "man's biography." Gifts are special and only given when they are a necessity or a piece of the heart. Many believe that a ring or jewelry is a great gift. But it is only a great gift if the person giving it is a goldsmith. Gifts are a piece of you so a shoemaker make shoes, a musician gives a song, a farmer gives food, etc. A gift can be given out of necessity also. If one is in need of shoes or food, it i alright to give them this gift as long as nothing is expected back.

When one receives gifts, they should not be happy or show emotion and gratitude for the gift. It is unbecoming. One should not rejoice or love the gift because they are showing the giver that they love he gift more than they love the giver. The giver wanted to give the gift because they wanted to, not because they are expecting something in return. Do not say thank you because it gives the giver superiority. A gift is something one wants to share about themselves, so the receiver should appreciate that. By saying thank you, you are flattering them. You do not want to say thank you and lose your independence!

"The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten." We do not realize, but when someone provides so much for us, there is a point when you end retaliate. The act of giving is never a malevolent gesture, but it is demeaning. The parent provides for the child up until they leave the house. But through the teenage years, the child begins to retaliate, searching for their independence. They want nothing to do with their parents and show hatred for the parents' superiority and ability to tell the child what to do. They begin to abuse their trust, and their "gifts" of food, clothing, money. If the parent had provided the child with nothing their entire life, there would be no reason to retaliate. If the child is overly provided for the rebellion is even worse. There is a clear balance that must be acquired for parenthood. But as for gifts, gifts should be given for one to cherish or use, not to be frivolous trophys.

"Self-Reliance"

"We but half express ourselves and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents."

We show only half of our greatness in shame of becoming the best we can. We put out half the effort and passion because of being scared to become great. We are scared to show what we can be for fear of failure and embarrassment. We may be timid to try out for a play, a team, a hard class. We may be scared to put out all the effort; or we may be scared to put out the effort and still fail. If one studies all weekend for a test but fails on Monday, they are embarrassed because they did their best and still did not earn the grade.  In my own experience, I may not have taken a shot in a water polo game because I did not want to let down my team.  Instead I gave the shot to a teammate to shoot.  This is the absolute wrong mindset.  Self-reliance talks all about being sure of yourself, strong and independent.  You should be self-assured enough to take the shot knowing you could miss, but trusting you won't.  We, at the Bishop's School, are scared to fail.  Being scared just holds us back.  Without being scared, we are able to become the best we can be because we know in our hearts we tried and failed.  By failing we are able to try again knowing we have nothing to lose.  Failing gives us the capability to be great, as weird as that may seem.